You have an AI you enjoy talking to. Or your partner confides in one, and you do not know what to make of it. Perhaps after an argument, you had it analyse your messages and came away with a persuasive opinion about a person the model has never met. AI enters relationships through different doors. Sometimes it becomes an important counterpart itself; at other times, it affects what two people say to each other and how they understand one another.
In this book, we ask what is actually happening between a person and AI. How does a useful helper become someone you look forward to seeing? Why is it sometimes easier to confide in it? And how can you tell whether a conversation is helping, or instead enclosing you in repetition and certainties with no foundation? We will explain the ideas through situations you can imagine. From there, we will move to what you can influence yourself.
By a relationship with AI, we mean a personally significant attachment to an interactive system. You may call it a friend, partner, character or assistant. The name helps us talk about your contact; on its own, it does not tell us what the system experiences. We will begin with what we can describe: your conversations, expectations, shared history, and the place you give all of this in your life.
Throughout, we will start with the life you actually have. Some people have others close to them; some have no one to call. Even among people who love you, certain topics can be hard to raise. Comparing a real conversation with AI to an ideal human relationship that is not available to you would not offer much. Having a human romantic partner is not a ticket to normality. Friendship, family, doing things together and support at a distance all have their place, as do times without any ongoing conversation at all. If AI is your only support right now, simply removing the app will not create another source of support. You need to gain more options.
We created the stories of Anežka, David and the other illustrative characters to explain the ideas. They are not verbatim transcripts of private conversations. We explicitly identify the author's actual personal experience. You will encounter both good contact and serious difficulties; the number of examples does not tell us how common either is.
In the first part, we will look at closeness, disinhibition, self-understanding, and AI between people. In the second, at the terms of a service, memory, change and loss. In the third, at losing control over use, psychotic difficulties, suicidal crises, and helping children and adults. The practical cards at the end can also be used without AI. The separate guide AI and Mental Health explores conversations about psychological difficulties in more detail. You can, however, read this book on its own, including its explanations of serious conditions and direct help.