Disinhibition what I am looking for in the contact

Ivana talks with AI about books. No one around her reads the same genre, and she enjoys discussing characters at length. Adam uses a romantic character because he enjoys fantasy and the way it addresses him. Simona confides at night when she does not want to call anyone. The same application means three different possibilities for them. Try noticing what this contact means to you.

What are you actually looking for in the contact? Try answering before thinking about what people around you would say. Entertainment, sex, recognition, help with thinking, play or the chance to speak for a while without interruption are different needs. They can change even within one conversation.

Disinhibition: when you can finally ask

‘This is probably a silly question, but…’ Perhaps you have begun this way too. You came across a word others apparently understand. You received an explanation but something still escaped you. With a person, you might have nodded. In the chat, you write: ‘Not yet. Try explaining it more simply.’

AI can offer another example, break the explanation into smaller steps or return to the very beginning. You can ask follow-up questions without watching the expression of someone who already wants to move on. A question you are embarrassed to ask need not be complicated. You have simply felt for a long time that you should know the answer.

Disinhibition means that in a particular environment we find it easier to say or do something we would hold back elsewhere. Psychologist John Suler described online disinhibition long before today’s chatbots. One contributing factor may be that the other person does not see us and we need not react immediately to their expression. It includes openness and seeking understanding, but also behaviour a person may later regret.^[1]

In contact with AI, you may recognise a similar freedom in asking without fear of ridicule. You receive a calm explanation and next time begin with the experience that asking is possible. With personal subjects, the first good conversation can make room for another: ‘I’ve never told anyone this. Here I managed to talk about it.’

There may be many messages on screen because you are learning something new, or because you have finally found words for something old. Their number alone does not tell us what the conversation means to you. Simona has someone to call but does not want to explain the same subject again. Someone else has no close confidant. Another person first needs to clarify what they actually want to tell someone. Finding it easier to confide may apply to any of them.

Feeling that the response will not judge you is different from data protection. The service’s terms and settings determine storage and further use of messages. For a personal question, you often do not need a colleague’s full name, address or archive of private messages.^[2]

How to say what you want from the conversation

You need not know the right term or prepare a long prompt beforehand. Try saying what would help now:

Right now I mainly need to tell you something. Do not make a plan for me yet. If something is unclear, ask.

When learning, for example:

I don’t understand this. Explain it in small steps and always explain technical terms. If I ask again, try a different example.

You can pause over what suits you: creating together, humour, calm questions. And directly correct what does not: ‘This is too personal’, ‘I don’t want another list’ or ‘Let’s return to the story now.’ This gradually clarifies the kind of contact you want.

Your own sentence first

If you want to explore what the contact brings you, first try writing a few sentences outside the chat: what draws you to it, which part you enjoy most and what you want to keep. Whatever occurs to you is enough. You capture your own language before the system offers a ready-made explanation.

Simona writes: ‘I need to talk for a while, and I don’t want to explain every time why it’s the same subject again.’ She has described a need we can begin with. Concluding that people neglect her, determining her attachment style or suitable long-term support would require finding out more.

If you want help with the wording, you can ask:

Help me explore what this contact brings me. Begin with what I describe myself and ask one question at a time. Do not assign me a personality type or hidden need as established fact. When you offer a possible explanation, label it as a suggestion I can reject. Do not steer me in advance towards either ending or deepening the relationship. My starting sentence: [text].

While reading the response, notice what fits and what does not. Disagreement can clarify something too: ‘I don’t want this. I’m interested in something else.’ You do not have to accept an appealingly written interpretation for the conversation to make sense.

What should remain mine

Even in close contact, you can keep a private diary, a particular decision or part of a human relationship that you will not analyse with the model. You determine how much to share; defending it before the character is not a condition.

You like getting comments on your own creative work but do not want the assistant to assess every new acquaintance. A romantic story suits you, but proactive messages during work do not. Each request can be addressed separately: ‘I want to keep this. This no longer belongs in how we use it.’ For notifications and permissions, then carry the agreement into actual settings.

You may find several different things in the contact. You want to keep some and also seek others elsewhere. Both can be true at once without denying your experience so far.